Gaming Done Right (or in my Case, Inefficient and Bad)

So today I finally got to sit down an watch a bit of Summer Games Done Quick (SGDQ) – a charity event where gamers go through stream speed runs of games and people donate to have a say in facets such as what games are played, the route the speed runners have to take, or the name of your rival in Pokemon gold. Sadly he was not called poophead.As an avid gamer, I couldn’t wait to see the worlds best speed gamers complete some of my childhood favorites.
Note: A speed run, as the name suggests, is when a player tries to complete a game in the fastest possible time. Glitch exploitation generally allowed unless stated otherwise.

As is becoming a theme in this blog, I lied. I only watched to see if 10 year old me was better them. I was not. Turns out it is possible to complete Kirby’s Dreamland in a little under 15 minutes. It is possible to complete the game that I spent weeks attempting on my magenta game boy colour, only to fail horribly in what can only be described as a giant pink ball of fail, in 15 fucking minutes…and that’s if you make couple of mistakes. The experience worsened when I found out I was also a slowpoke in Pokemon Gold and Red. I stopped when it turned out the month I spent completing the Warcraft Frozen Throne campaign had been a waste my 21(and ongoing) years of childhood.


My former status as the pro in the sea of amateurs that were my friends/colleagues/various other humans I interacted with on a frequent basis was a lie. I was just another noob.

On a more positive note, SGDQ is an amazing event that raised a ton of money for Doctors Without Borders. Please support them. The following is a Reddit link to all the games played (and a link to the videos) over the week when it was on:

Also I need to mention that my flat mate Sarah is the best ever…
I love her, she’s amazing…


The Sweetest Ways to Spend a Million Dollars

The question of how an individual should spend a million dollars (or any large but limited sum of money) has long been the subject of many a conversation. The following are my thoughts:

Firstly a few notes: I would spend the money with the intention of making the world a better place but would also hope to achieve some sort of gain (monetary, spiritual, or a combination) from my investments. Also, I will assume the money can only be spent on one goal, this is because I can’t be bothered coming up with more than one idea.

Back to the topic, the first idea that might come to mind is to spend the money on a charitable cause such as curing cancer or exterminating world poverty. This is stupid- a million dollars is a drop in the ocean of funding that would be required to make a significant dent in cause of such magnitude. Helping a portion of the affected population would be an option but this would lead to problems regarding fairness. This is not good for aforementioned spiritual gain.

So to guarantee effective use of the million, one would need a worthy cause that was also achievable with a million dollars. I would chose to invest a million dollars in designing Kitkats with Twix bar filling. The perfect combination of the best chocolate bar in the world x4. Such a cause would bring happiness (along with diabetes) to millions and I would be able to use the profits to fulfill my monetary needs and donated more Twixy Kitkats to the needy. The Twixy KitKat would change the world.

Thank you for reading.

Note: sorry for my haitus, work and a general lack of good ideas got in the way.

Why I Might (in some Circumstances) Prefer a Slingshot to a Nuclear Missile

The advantages of access to nuclear weaponry are obvious: you have the power to obliterate a large expanse of land on a whim, all while satisfying any giant mushroom fetishes that you may or may not have. I lack such fetishes….promise. Back to the point, the advantages of the humble slingshot seem to pale in comparison to those of a nuke. Regardless, I intend to highlight them.

1. Nostalgia. I have fond memories of shooting targets with my slingshot when I was younger. Similar memories of myself and a nuclear middle do not exist.
Side note: Kim Jung Un may be the exception to this. It must be fun have a dictator for a father.

2. Accuracy. Slingshots are the AWP of childhood warfare. In contrast, using a nuke seems like a waste of years of technological research. Then there’s the collateral damage. One could make an argument that maybe you didn’t like anyone in what would be a now ex-city, and therefore your actions were justified. That is a lot of people not to like. Maybe sell the nuke and buy some therapy.
Side note: you could also sell the nuke and buy a slingshot along with a marginally smaller nuke whose cost would equal the selling price of the first nuke minus the cost of your newly acquired slingshot, but that would take away from your ability to overcompensate for your lack of size in other areas.

3. Concealability. I used to smuggle my slingshot into school all the time. It could be hidden in many places: an empty bag pocket, and empty rouser pocket, or really any pocket that didn’t have anything else in it. I was bad man with a good plan. What I didn’t do was try and smuggle a 10 foot missile into school. That would’ve been stupid. Recent history has shown that the mere suspicion of passion of nuclear weaponry can have adverse consequences (see US-Iraqi relations). You know no one invades people over? Slingshots.

I have a few more reasons but I feel like I have written enough to prove my point. Also, it’s getting the post is getting a little long. I may visit the topic on a later date.

Until then.

My Secret Life as a Daredevil

The title is misleading. The use of the word daredevil may have over sold my actions.

Today I discovered that pulling my finger out of my water bottle made a fun popping sound. Of course, this action came with some inherent risks- along with opening up the chance for innumerable sexual innuendos, pulling my finger out required insertion of said finger first. The threat of my finger getting stuck was very real and yet I continued. So was the possibility of a very awkward journey to the nearest hospital. I even began using my thicker fingers. The pop sound did not noticeably change but I was enjoying my new found fearlessness.

However, it did not last. Eventually I was forced to revert back to using my bottle as… A bottle. My thirst had gotten the better of me, and the pop sound making device that had elevated me from a mild mannered student to Indiana Jones level of adventurer was gone. The daredevil that I had been receded, and I returned to my reading.

I guess even the least daring of daredevils need to return back to normal life.

The Purpose of this Blog

Firstly, welcome to my blog! You may have stumbled into the workings of a genius or an Idiot. Given the title of this blog, my money is on the latter. Sorry.

I figured I would begin my blog by stating what I intend the purpose of this blog to be. I have a lot of ideas – many of them (the vast majority) are stupid and as a result, they are dismissed and never spoken of again. My colleagues remain oblivious to the fact that I may be weirder than I appear to be. The remaining few are proposed to my friends who appear to have a knack for shooting them down. Some make it through and have proved helpful as I have progressed through life. However, I am yet to deem any of them as revolutionary. But I still make an effort to keep having them.

I have a lot of ideas. Probability dictates that, given enough time and the mental progression, one of them turned out to be genius (I think). All I can hope for is that said idea reveals itself sooner rather than later. I have created this blog for 2 reasons: to serve as an archive for any ideas I have, and as a source of critique.

As per standard blogger promises, I hope to post frequently while maintaining standards and staying true to myself?

Thank you for reading.